Remember that dream I had a few weeks ago, where I discovered a drawer in my dresser I didn't know I had? And it held these scarves and my Nanny's jewelry box? No? You have better things to do than remember strange people on the Internets dreams, eh? Well, ok, I guess I can't blame you there! But the dream has continued to haunt me, as some dreams are wont to do.
If you care to read about it, it was towards the end of this post
So, I've been playing around with the images in that dream. I've doublechecked the dresser several times - no new drawers to report! But I did dig out my Nanny's jewelry box, scarves, etc and have been playing around with the imagery from the dream.
Trying to find the key to the riddle wrapped up in the enigma of it all. But also just enjoying the sheer playfulness of tinkering, while also revisiting childhood memories of the different oddments Nanny kept in this box. None of it is real; but it was the best she had. Some of the pieces are gawdy, some are kind of cool, in that vintage/retro/hip kind of way. Some things from the box truly are enigma's - what did all these teeny keys unlock? Why did she keep this tiny little bottle and spoon in her jewelry box? (No, I don't believe my grandmother was a drug addict!) Or this ancient pen nib? She did love to draw and sketch, especially women, girls; fashion ideas for hats, dresses and aprons, for my great-aunt to later manifest with her talented, but arthritic fingers. What did this handle belong to?
A bajillion little pieces of broken watch bands; apparently she was hard on watches!
I remember that huge leafy brooch on top of the "T" - once it got caught in my ponytailed hair while she was hugging me - ouch! I thought I was going to have to dangle off her bosom forever, smothering in Chantilly, before my mother was finally able to disentangle the two of us.
The little ceramic roses on a piece of velvet ribbon used to be part of a choker...Her "pearls" - oh, how she loved her pearls! A lady must wear her pearls with her black dress...
What does it all mean? I thought I had grasped the truth of the dream; yet it still lingers -a persistance of memory haunting me. The pieces have value only to me or my family. Perhaps I'm reaching that age when I'm compelled to reminisce more about the past than make plans for the future? Oh, good God, no!
Then, I think I need to draw a map...to a more prosperous future, new experiences - the treasures I want to discover! Or at least groceries - working for a non-profit does not buy a whole lot more at the supermarket, than the starving artist gig, did!
One small step taken on that journey - this week, I finally opened a CafePress store! The link is on the sidebar. Only one piece of my artwork on there so far - I've been debating if any of my other art, that I've already put on the computer, might be marketable as a design element or as small posters, cards, etc. Let me know what you think - if there's a picture here you think would look good as a small print or on a tote bag or t-shirt, mug, you-name-it!
I want to continue creating my art for its own sake...I dislike taking a mercenary approach to life; but it's a reality that I have to stop avoiding. I need to create more income. If I want to tinker, then tinkering needs to pay its own way! I wrestle with my sense of self-worth as an artist, a writer...It's been a few months since I had a sale. Maybe I've lost what it takes. Maybe I never had it, I just got lucky for a little while. Maybe I should really be pursuing my writing more than my art...Maybe I should just go find a better paying job, even though this job, these people, need me...Maybe this, maybe that....maybe, Maybe, MAYBE!!! Maybe I'm driving myself nuts!
I need to go prospecting for more prosperity. Am I even on the right path? See any signposts, anyone? Please, feel free to point them out, as you pass by...Meanwhile, I'll keep cruising the scenic route; digging in the glovebox for a map, at the stopsigns.
Have a good weekend. Enjoy the scenery. Live long and prosper!
great work on starting up your cafe press site. i think that's a big step and a great one!!
i have certain dreams that linger with me and i'm not sure why. playing with the imagery from them is great fun though.
Posted by: kat | February 11, 2006 at 06:11 PM
That dream has a "special dream" quality to me. Hold it. As Kat says, the imagery is powerful in it. Thanks for sharing it. And that jewelery - what riches to have from your grandmother - even if it's not "valuable" - it looks like a wealth of memory.
Posted by: Imelda | February 12, 2006 at 05:31 AM
Way to go...opening a Cafe Press store. This is the kind of thing that every artist should do (looks at herself in the mirror and is chagrined).
Posted by: violetismycolor | February 12, 2006 at 02:29 PM